About five years ago, my family planned to go out to play on Chinese New Year. After discussing, we decided to go to Hualien Ocean Park. When Chinese New Year was coming, we were excited to go out. On the way to the amusement park, there was a traffic jam; therefore, we spent about five hours arriving there. Before long, we bought tickets which was very expensive and went into the amusement park. To our astonishment, there was a large crowd and we were nearly unable to move. Hence, we took the cable car first. For a few minutes, we got to the top of the amusement park, and my brother and I decided to play the roller coaster. However, the procession was so long that we gave up playing it. Furthermore, other facilities were as many people as the roller coaster. Eventually, we only took a walk in the amusement without playing anything. When we returned home, we regretted to go there and felt disappointed. After this trip, we didn’t go to the amusement park on Chinese New Year any longer.
When we returned home, we regretted to go...
回覆刪除＂regretted＂後面好像要加V-ing →＂going＂，應該。
Furthermore, other facilities were as many people as the roller coaster.
↑不確定對不對。我會想寫：
Furthermore, there were as many people as the roller coaster at other facilities.
如有誤，請不吝嗇指教。
we were excited to go out
回覆刪除裡的excited後面是不是要接about
(小小建議)
and my brother and I decided to play the roller coaster.
這裡有兩個and，唸起來有點不順，我會習慣將它分開成兩句
we regretted to go there and felt disappointed
裡的regretted後面是不是要加ving
以上
小小建議!
如果是我我也應該跟妳一樣
不會再去一次的吧!
=目
第五段we bought tickets which was very expensive 因為tickets用負數所以應該用were哦
回覆刪除other facilities were as many people as the roller coaster.這具有點奇怪...
we regretted to go there and felt disappointed
回覆刪除regret應該+Ving
we bought tickets which was very expensive
因前面是ticket"s"所以應該要用were
奇怪
回覆刪除我記得我有回呀
怎麼不見了!!!!!!
Before long, ~ park.
回覆刪除因為tickets是複數
所以後面的be動詞要改成were
那感覺錢花得很不值得耶:(
1.Before long, we bought tickets which was very expensive and went into the amusement park.
回覆刪除→Before long, we bought tickets which were very expensive and went into the amusement park.
2.Hence, we took the cable car first. For a few minutes, we got to the top of the amusement park, and my brother and I decided to play the roller coaster.
→Hence, we took the cable car first. For a few minutes, we got to the top of the amusement park; my brother and I decided to play the roller coaster.(建議)
3.Furthermore, other facilities were as many people as the roller coaster.
→怪怪的…可是我不曉得怎麼改…
4.When we returned home, we regretted to go there and felt disappointed.
→When we returned home, we regretted going there and felt disappointed.
(以上，淺見…)
To宜珍
回覆刪除我沒有在刪回應的喔!!!
第一句planned to go out to play 這邊的play可以換別的詞，雖然真的是出去玩... 但我覺得用在文章好像怪怪的
回覆刪除然後excited的介系詞不是to唷^_^
以上。