2011年6月1日 星期三

Discussing Cause - 2

Michael Williams opened a small music store on September. However, his business failed about three months later. After analyzing methods of management, I knew why it closed too quickly. First, the store’s location was remote; moreover, it was three miles away from a shopping center that had two large music stores. Second, most of the CDs in the store were hip-hop and rock. However, age of residents there were old. Thus, these CDs were not attracted to the residents. Third, the store was open Monday to Friday from one to five p.m. Nevertheless, few people past the store at that time. Eventually, Mr. Williams would not accept checks or credit cards. It is uncomfortable for some people to buy CDs. According to these reasons above, no wonder why Mr. Williams closed his store rapidly.

7 則留言:

  1. small music store on September應該是in September哦
    these CDs were not attracted to the residents改成theseCDs were not attractive to the residents
    然後It is uncomfortable for some people要用過去是哦
    大概這樣~

    回覆刪除
  2. age of residents there were old
    age要加s吧

    回覆刪除
  3. 1.Michael Williams opened a small music store on September.
    ﹡on→in
    2.However, age of residents there were old.
    →However, the residents there were old.
    3.It is uncomfortable for some people to buy CDs.
    ﹡uncomfortable→inconvenient

    ﹡以上,淺見…

    回覆刪除
  4. Nevertheless, few people past the store at that time.
    應為"...few people walked past the store..."。
    因"past"並非動詞。

    如有誤,請不吝嗇指教。

    回覆刪除
  5. I knew why it closed too quickly
    我覺得too改成so比較順耶~~~~個人喜好

    回覆刪除
  6. on September
    "in" September

    應該就沒什麼問題了

    回覆刪除
  7. It is uncomfortable for some people to buy CDs.
    這裡寫comfortable感覺怪怪的
    inconvenient會不會比較好?

    回覆刪除